Hide your wife, hide your kids

Steve, Tom; you may never forget this guy. The internet won't let you.



I can't believe that the autotune version of the viral video, (Yes, from actual local news) now has covers by school bands and other artists on Youtube. Then again, it's better than a lot of what's on the radio.

This is Madness!

You might find this interesting Steve: James Cameron Talks At the Mountains of Madness


This is really cool. An animation showing the discovery of all asteroid in the solar system from 1980 onwards:

Nice advice

When Skyping, do put on some clothes

NEVER!!!

Where the rubber meets the road

Rubber is a film about a tire that comes to life and uses psychic powers to destroy cans, animals, and blow up people's heads. Unlike a Tarantino picture, this film's cast (The few who are self aware anyway) have little interest in being in the retro grindhouse B-movie they've been drafted into and try to sabotage the event by killing the audience.

Just seeing the tire learning and doing things is surreal and funny enough. (It goes from experimenting with killing a water bottle, to ogling women's aerobics programs on tv, and having psychotic visions of destruction) But this movie has an amusing cast of bipeds as well.

Some of the good parts:

The tire approaches the sheriff interviewing the motel owner and as an act of revenge, blows up the motel owner's head. only a bit perturbed, the sheriff looks at the departing tire, pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket and reads with no emotion, "Oh my god the kid's right ...the killer is a tire." Then he looks up at the sky in despair, slouches, and tosses the script away.

The sheriff painstakingly jacks up his car and removes a tire only to point at it and tell his deputies, "Alright, this is what our killer looks like..."

The police set up a trap for the tire, by poorly disguising a mannequin as a girl the tire was interested in and attaching dynamite to it. After ringing the doorbell of the tire's stolen abode, they hide in a van where they use a microphone to encourage the tire to blow up the girl. (The girl eventually has to be replaced as the speaker when the dialogue written by the sheriff gets a little too blue) This whole setup is so rediculously elaborate that one of the audience members knocks on the van and asks them what the hell they're doing. (Spoiler alert: This plan doesn't work)


This movie was a blast, and very funny. Kind of comicly bloody too, (I have more sympathy for the animal victims myself) so maybe not for everyone. But very funny all the same.

Before the film, we got a chance to meet Roger, the tire who rolled down the aisle to the front of the theatre and gave an interview with one of the festival coordinators who had the ability to psychically link with Roger. Roger was also able to say a few words to the rest of us too. (Spoiler alert: I think it was somebody else with a microphone)

A movie with a lot of Heart

The second-to-last movie I saw for Afterdark Toronto was from the UK and entitled, Heartless.

This movie is set in slummy east London and stars Jamie, depressed loner with a large skin deformity, (Like a heart shaped birthmark) on his face and arm. He lives with his mum, works with his brother as a photographer, (The family business) and still mourns the death of his father. While out taking pictures of his ratty neighborhood, Jamie begins to notice what appear to be gangs of demons in hoodies running about. These visions herald a violent crime wave in the neighborhood as the television begins reporting people being harassed and killed by a youth gang wearing demonic masks. Eventually Jamie comes face to face with the violence and is badly shaken.

Jamie spends much of the beginning of the film in a constant state of moping and sulking. He moons over one girl he barely knows, and makes a friend; but nothing seems to shake his quiet emo-mood. (His own hoodie doesn't help this comparison to teenage crybabies) Even encounters with the demon gang just seem to make him more withdrawn and depressed rather than say, fearful or paranoid. He's kind of annoying in this regard. Jamie's already-dead father is mostly absent from the movie, but he seems to play a pivotal role all the same.

His own losses are the catalyst to a strange meeting in the rooftop flat of an abandoned apartment with a powerful man who seems to suggest that he is the devil. There he is convinced to make a deal with the in exchange for a new life. Of course, things will probably not go as Jamie hopes. But at least Jamie's getting a little more proactive; it looks good on him.

The film has a couple of good characters, and a smidge of humour mostly due to a business like agent of the devil, an incredibly vain gay prostitute, and a devilish little girl. But as things get more lively and fun, they also seem to get more evil and tragic too. Kind of a weird dichotomy.

There's a lesson or two in the movie, and it's got plenty of good jump scares and anxious atmosphere as well as a surprising climax. The soundtrack fits with the whole ...melodramatic style of Jamie's dilemma with a lot of popular music, (Though not songs or artists I recognize) some of which has lyrics that seem way too apt.

Though not without a few miscues, this is a very good example of a well rounded movie and enthralling film with a genuine story arc.

Summerworks

I didn't bother posting about Biographies of the Dead and Dying, The Sad and Cautionary Tale of Smackhead Peter, or The Small Ones because I've already talked about them with you. The former was a dark and short drama which was pretty good, but maybe not satisfying. (Alright, there didn't need to be an actual ghost)

Smackhead Peter was very fun, and straddled both sides of a rise and fall of a messiah. It was funny and clever, and played up a lot of elements like the psychedelia, the class distinctions, and crime.

The Small Ones had some good ideas, but it didn't come together as something exciting or have much of an impact on me. It was sort of personal but and delicate but not beautiful enough to be memorable as an object.

Summerworks was an affordable way to see a lot of theatre, and my favorite remains the Witch of Edmonton.

TFC for the win!

On a whim I saw the Toronto FC/Cruz Azul game today. (BTW Major League Soccer is only televised on a subscription channel)

Toronto won 2-1 to give them the edge going into game two of the 2-game series with the former North American Cup runners up. It was a good game even though the action was at the other end of field from me, and the outdoor stadium is nice. There were a lot of people in my section, cheering and chanting. It was unfortunate that the Mexican club managed to score off a free kick with ten minutes to go, as TFC would have carried a major advantage to game two, and the last big play wouldn't have been against TFC's favor. Still, it was a big upset victory.

The ticket was $30 second hand, and I had to run to an ATM, then to Liberty village, then to the field to get there on time. I managed to trip and take a soccer spill on the sidewalk. Ouch. Hopefully I won't be sore tomorrow when I have to walk to Bloor Cinema to continue my Afterdark experience.

EDIT
My mistake. Apparently this is a multi team group stage, not a two game series.

Shortly After Dark

On Saturday, I checked out the Shorts After Dark feature, where the Afterdark festival showcases it's international shorts program.

United Monster Talent Agency

The first short has some director cameos and a lot of good makeup and costume work. It's based around the golden era of monster movies at Universal. We see real life monsters working out of a talent agency. It's not very funny, though it looks good.

The Thomas Beale Cipher

This is only the first segment of a full animated story the director wants to make, and I really want to see the rest of it. The animation is hard to describe. It's like cutouts and textures and is very ...cubist? It looked really good to me, and worked well with the tense scenario. A scientist is trying to elude the FBI while trying to solve a famous puzzle. A man going by Thomas Beale apparently hid some gold and disappeared leaving behind only a note with various numbers on it which have puzzled cryptologists for decades. (Or more) We don't actually get to solving the mystery in this first part, which is why my appetite was only whetted. This story was intriguing, tense, and funny. I'll see if I can dig it up later for you to see it.

Premiere Contacte

A man in an apartment rigged up to look like a spaceship, (Well, in the context of the film it is a ship) attempts to make first contact with aliens. the aliens are women, and first contact looks a lot like getting laid. This short is also simple but funny.

Frank Dancoolio: Paranormal Drug Dealer

This short was extremely manic and cartoony. Almost too much so. But it was also very funny. Ace reporter Holly Malone, (Who acts like a reporter from the first half of the 20th century) tracks down Frank Dancoolio who she suspects is responsible for various drug related deaths in futuristic Neo-Mega-Ultra Tokyo. Wierd visuals and some great lowbrow humour make this a lot of fun despite it's over-the-top presentation.

Barcelona Venice

A simple bit where a business man stumbles through wormholes in the earth. He discovers a conspiracy by airline companies to hide the knowledge of these wormholes. It's funny, but simple.

Off Season

Oh good christ. It was inevitable that somewhere here would be a genuine thriller. Not a parody, a trip, or genre film or something...fun like a silly gross-out flick. No, this time it was honest-to-god terror.

This is a UK/USA production that oddly enough is set in Canadian in some cottage country during the winter. The film starts with shots of family summer photographs and the sounds of children playing before showing us the frozen lake and shuttered cabins on a desolate landscape. A single man drags a pack around with his trusty dog. This thief steals from summer cottages during the wintry off-season. As he marches across the ice, he is led by his dog off to a large strange cabin.

"Don't go in there... no damn it, leave the dog! Damn it, you aren't listening! No, don't touch that!"

My favorite, this was extremely well directed and quite scary. It was mysterious and there's a clever sort of... appropriateness to the story. This is another one I want to dig up and show you if I can. Even writing about it right now makes me creeped out.

Pumzi

This African film was a budget sci-fi I guess. In the future, society lives indoors because of a lack of water and radiation damage. Power is supplied by people, and water is conserved a great deal. A scientist at the virtual natural history museum is sent a mysterious sample of soil which has great potential for growth. She defies her superiors and flees the society for the outdoors, travelling through the desert for the tree and nature she believes awaits her. Either she did find it, or the movie was metaphorically saying that mankinds sweat and tears are what it takes to rebuild the natural world. It depends on how literal what I saw was during the conclusion. Good either way.

One thing I didn't care for though was that the dialogue, (what little there was) was dubbed in with no one in the movie actually opening their mouths. Instead they would be typing on a computer, and we'd hear them talk as they communicated in this way. I guess this was done to avoid subtitles, but it seemed weird to me.

Demiurge Emesis

This was disappointing, not because it wasn't good. This three minute story was a narration by Danny Elfman (Not written by him though) about being an artist. The visual were grotesque and morbid stop motion animations where an artist was the black beast of Arrrrgh puking up gel and eating it, while critics were screaming skeleton chickens. The disappointment was that the first third played without sound, but was not rerun.

Deus Irae

This exorcism scenario stops looking serious when one of the priests walks in wearing shades. (Bia-con-dios) This is excellently put together with lots of grotesque effects. It looks like it could be a trailer for a great cult-action movie with a demon killing priest squad or something. Monster hands under a bed, creepy possessed doll heads, and a failed exorcist smeared on a ceiling are some of the highlights. Nasty, but very good too.

The Library

The showcase bizarrely concludes with the worst Marlon Brando themed video game the world has ever been exposed to. Watch this:

Jmes Cameron's Avatar in Real-D

Why is it every time I go to a dance oriented theatre event it's always too close for comfort and kind of frightening? Avatar is an exploration of internet personality and video logs. The Theatre Centre on Queen West is small. We walk in on floor where the lights are and descend into an open pit where the stage and seats are. There's a laptop and stool combination out front with a projection screen in the back.

Our sole actress appears first as a shadow on the computer projection, and then walks out in front of it. She alternates between lurching around in front of the projection screen and hunching in front of her Mac laptop and camera setup. (For some reason she's got tape a little tape over the apple logo) With her hair draped over her face, her strange movements, and her appearances on the screen, (With copies of herself!) she brings to mind the ghost from The Ring. She'll get worse though. Much of this play is dancing set to strange audio and alongside the images of Youtube videos on the screen. Eventually the actress sets up a bluescreen off to the side, and then begin applying freakish makeup. Drawing eyes on her eyelids and a toothy grin on her mouth. Putting on a wig and suddenly I'm not happy about being in the front row.

(This was mere feet from me)

After playing around with the bluescreen and some more dancing around, the actress starts talking again. (Previously, she talked while making her intro video-log) She talks like some veteran v-logger; very banal. (Thank you subscribers, I got a new computer, is this recording? etc) Then she decides to reward her viewers by answering questions. So we've reached the common, interact with the audience portion of the play. After answering a few questions with vague and strange responses, the character begins removing the disguise, becoming more shy and nervous as she does so, (A welcome change from the Barbie Marshall Applewhite actually) leading to the end of the latest log and the play.

Pretty good. It wasn't entertaining all the way through, but it had some strong moments. Maybe it could have been shorter or had some additional narrative bridge in the second half.

The Last Lovecraft

This movie was appropriately preceded by this:



I don't think I need to tell you how good that is.




The feature film; The Last Lovecraft seems at times really good, and then other times kind of cheap or poorly considered. Imagine that your lead is an irritable Toby McGuire with a lazy eye. Yeah he's... a little strange to watch. He and his comic-obssessed roommate work together at the SQRLY gift company, which does something... and they have the company's squirrelly mascot drawn on their car. (Company car?)

The titular last Lovecraft and his buddy are recruited in quite short order to secure an artifact sought by the Buffy the Vampire Slayer-esque 'Starspawn' to revive his master Cthulu. He is assisted by men in visibly plastic fish suits who are being called the Deep Ones. It's not quite Lovercraftian horror... or even a big costume budget. I guess they've only got so much budget, but they should have reconsidered what they were showing, even for a comedy.

The good guys are joined by a bearded geek they used to know in high school who suggests they find a Captain Olaf who supposedly survived an encounter with the Deep Ones. So they take the lead's Prius out into the desert which leads to the best scene in the movie. Lazy eye goes into a motel to look for a vending machine where he receives a reception from the heavyset owner that bounces between angry and aggressively amorous. As lazy eye flees from the motel, the owner tells him to watch out for weirdos out in the desert. The awesome continues into the next scene as the party eventually stops their car for a rest. Predictably, they oversleep and get a nasty surprise when they awake.

Eventually, they meet up with Captain Olaf who shares with some some terrifying tales, (Olaf: "You ever been fish-raped?") and decide to make a stand out in the desert against Cthulu's minions. The climactic scenes weren't bad, save the final one which seemed both to have poor effects and be impossible. (Shooting dynamite and then not-really-quickly getting behind a rock? Ugh)

Though middling in a lot of ways, I think when this was trying to be funny it was pretty solid. There were some elements which either fell flat, or undermined the premise, and there were some animated scenes which while done well themselves, weren't really helping the movie any. The plot is kinda campy, but doesn't really offer anything up with the premise. The crew said after the film that they didn't want to target the Lovecraftian mythos and stories, but then all we're left with is some funny characters, (Especially the geek and everybody towards the second half) and a crummy adventure. It could have been better. Some parts of this could have made for a better movie if they could have continued in the same vein.

Bad Experience

I was returning down a still somewhat busy Queen Street West after a late play at the Theatre Centre when I noticed a couple of street people sitting in out on a storefront. One of them was yelling at and punching his whimpering dog.

I didn't do anything about it, but I did notice two police officers standing just around the corner in front of a bar. I approached them and mentioned what I saw, but they advised me that they were working there. In hindsight I should have remembered that a lot of Toronto Peace Officers work as private security after hours, apparently while still in uniform. They advised me that I could instead call the police non-emergency line, (I didn't actually have a phone) and wait there for an investigating officer to arrive. I wasn't planning on hanging around so they suggested that I didn't care as much as I thought I did.

I didn't say anything to that really, so I won't add anything to my conclusion though, (of course) I've been thinking about it after.

Trinity Bellwoods Park after sundown

My first experience with Summerworks was the Witch of Edmonton, This took place in Trinity park after 9PM downtown.

The crowd was about 30 people, and our gathering at the gates of the park was met by a few white faced well-wishers from the town of Edmonton, England celebrating a happy Edmonton day. We were invited on a tour around the park where we were witness to a story of betrayal and evil. Though the sounds of city were pretty loud, as we progressed into the dark and grassy park with flashlights, the cars became distant. There were still people playing around in the woods and some even stayed with the party to witness the production as it moved along. The environment was very casual. Payment was not required and one person was even filming the play as it happened.

The actors spoke with a Shakespearean tongue, but occasionally dialogue was ad-libbed between characters. The play was written back when witchery was 'real', in 1621 and it concerns an old woman shunned by villagers as a witch, a devil in the form of a dog, and a bigamist who turns to murder. We see how the machinations of men in the village are more cruel than the witch's petty vengeances and how the noble turn freely to the devil's work without any deals being made. (Though the devil certainly shows up to watch)

The play has a serious purpose, (Especially if you remember when it was written) but it was also quite funny at times, like a lot of the best plays often. Having the play out in the wide open park at night was very awesome as well. I find that a good set, whether something extensive, (Like Boxhead, The Turn of the Screw, or The Mill, or even something as free as the beauty of a city park at night) is a really big deal to me. Being able to move around the 'set' or talk with the actors really made it seem perhaps not that you were truly in Edmonton, but that these people were not just reading lines but really being the characters. (When we were first mustering up one of the townsfolk had an amusing flashlight related disputed with an 'imbecile' among the audience)

That was a lot of fun.

Nuts

While getting groceries earlier today I noticed several pairs of red shirted explorers walking around Liberty village. Each stopped by a mat near the grocery store where some attendents ordered them to bust-a-move on the mat. Intrigued, I looked this up online just now.

Do they not think to advertise these things where someone would see them?

Dammit. Hiking around Toronto and doing stuff is exactly what I do! Admittedly, I wouldn't have much time for Summerworks or Afterdark today, but still.

The Waiting Room

I give you The Room.


In the future, it is probably a good idea for me to write about a movie before I talk about it to someone. There's little greater way to lose the fire in the belly about unloading on a bad movie than by going for the quick satisfaction of just talking about it. Except perhaps the need to get this out of the way before I have to expound upon all the Summerworks theatre and Afterdark movies I'll be seeing over the next week. Consequently, I will now give witness to the horror that is The Room, which I saw at the Royal Theatre last month.

I went to The Room with the full intention of engrossing myself in what had been described to me as the worst movie made in recent memory. From what I had heard and seen I was expecting some kind of maudlin art movie perhaps shot in one room. It was not to be. The Room; in full colour and not consigned to any particular room, (Indeed the title apparently refers to the filming location where all scenes were shot and not anything actually seen in the move) did not seem to be even an attempt at art but instead either a hate note to the producer/director/writer/star's ex-lover, or an attempt to craft an appallingly low-brow drama loaded with cliches. It's currently marketed successfully as a black comedy, but it's actually a brilliantly unintentionally funny. Black comedy is not what I'd call it even were it on purpose. Given that this film was made years ago and is still being shown on small screen regularly, (and to a good sized audience at that) it's clear that the director has fallen back-asswards into a goldmine.


The main character is our director Tommy Wisseau, who is going by the name Johnny. I often referred to him as Tommy when describing the movie and during the climactic conclusion, so did one of his co-stars. It's an easy mistake to make since the saintly emo weeny he's playing is clearly his own airbrushed image of himself. He looks and sounds like some an eastern European drug dealer: long scraggly black hair, dark shades, dark suit, pasty skin, and a curious accent. Johnny lives in San Francisco in a ground level apartment with his fiancé Lisa. Johnny works at a bank where as he describes it, "The bank saves money and they are using me and I am the fool," and "I save them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I will ever get it. They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me and I don't care anymore."
This guy butchers lines of dialogue that are already terrible. He can't act physically either whether he’s trying to display despair, playfulness, rage, or thrusting. He’s fantastic.

Lisa is Johnny's FUTURE WIFE, and isn't interested in him anymore. Johnny provides Lisa FINANCIAL SECURITY. After all, the "computer business is too competitive." We know because she doesn't get any phone calls. I don't understand that at all, but we know as much about her job as we do about Johnny's so it might make sense.

She seems to do a lot of things just for fun, or because she's 'changing', or just confusing. I don't think Tommy Wisseau has a coherent reason why his ex is evil and so Lisa's character is all over the place. She'll show poor judgment by asking her mom for advice and then dismissing her as butting in, having an affair with his best friend Mark, leave a mop out for days, initiate an illicit encounter in her living room within meters of other people, and even have a love scene with Johnny. Ugh. Bad calls all around. Still, I get the feeling her being with Johnny may have been an elaborate joke to begin with. The actress seems to put on weight as the film progressed which may be because of the stress caused by working on this set.


Mark is Johnny's BEST FRIEND, and doesn't seem to have earlobes. He shaves his beard towards the end of the movie, but unfortunately this just causes him to be more treacherous. He's not just a dick to his BEST FRIEND though, as he's also terrible to Lisa. After having sex with her for the first time he asks, "How could you do this to me?" and he will eventually come to pin all of the blame for the events of The Room on Lisa. (The characters, not the actors) He shows a penchant for referring to candles and music that don't exist, (Classic case of failing to rewrite dialogue I figure) and at one point tries to throw a friend, (See below for Peter) off a roof; so maybe he's just a dangerous lunatic. In one scene that serves no purpose, he accidentally ‘hits’ an ancillary character, (Named Mike) so hard, that this character falls down, acts blinded, and I think doesn't appear in the movie again. Notably, this scene serves no end and the actor playing Mark didn’t even seem to do anything. Perhaps this was a bad take left in?

Mark: "As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth. That's a promise. "


Denny is an orphan who lives near Johnny and Lisa's ground floor apartment, in his own apartment that is paid for by Johnny, because Johnny's just that great of a guy. I'll let this quote from Tommy explain him; "I think he brought a lot stuff. One thing was he's really retarded a little bit." Asked if Denny was written that way, Wisseau says he did so "Indirectly, so he's confused." I figure Denny was living in a box prior to moving into his apartment. This is why he combines the communication skills and appearance of a young adult with the comprehension of social norms of an eight year old. He seems to come and go from the apartment with little rhyme or reason and may or may not give off the appearance of an unhealthy attachment to Johnny.

Example: Lisa and Johnny head up to their bedroom for lovin' while Denny watches them leave. Instead of contemplating why his surrogate family would react to his visit by immediately heading into another room for sex, Denny takes a bite out of an apple, (Audience member: "Ooooooohhh! Metaphor!") and then heads upstairs to pillow fight with them. (Yes, he is asked to leave; this movie isn't that nuts)

Denny has a run in with a drug dealer. Guess what? Denny doesn't have his money, the drug dealer doesn't have any patience, and after Mark and Johnny save Denny and turn the drug dealer over the police Denny makes a teary confession to Lisa and Claudetter... and nothing will ever come of this in the movie. The scene serves no purpose. Take it away, Johnny: "Denny...keep in Moind that if you have any problems, come to me and I will help you. Let's get something to eat hanh?"

Lisa's mother Claudette is the only character who truly understands the depravity of the imbeciles that surround her. She causally says that men and women are jerks and casually tells Lisa that she never loved her father. (Lisa: "What?!") I think a lot of what she tells Lisa about the unimportance of happiness and Johnny's financial value is Tommy's own bizarre argument against the emotional needs of whomever broke up with him to inspire this movie. She's also dying since she has breast cancer. Lisa tells her she'll be fine. This convinces her. This plot point never comes up again either.

Peter is a psychiatrist and leaves before the production of the film is finished. In his final scene where he, Mark, and Johnny play 'football' in their tuxedos at Denny's suggestion, (BTW their definition of football just involves tossing the ball around like a baseball and there's no reason for them to be in tuxes in this scene either) he falls on the ground and gets mad at Denny suggesting the idea. I like to the actor was too into his character and was genuinely angered.

He is replaced by our director with the named-only-in-the-credits Steven who looks like he just wandered on set by accident. Actual line of dialogue by Steven: "I totally agree with that opinion." Steven gets put into his place when Mark tells him to mind his own business and, “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!” Words failed me… and based on that line, words failed Mark too.

This movie enjoys scoring love scenes with bad R&B music to raunch things up, (The audience claps in rhythm with the beat) even when Lisa cheats on Johnny. There are also many over-long shots of the Golden Gate bridge and the scenery of San Francisco to remind us where the movie is taking place. (But probably not filmed) These shots prompted the audience to shout, "Meanwhile… in San Francisco!" As if the shots were establishing a new setting every time.

Johnny and Lisa's apartment coffee table is decorated with an inexplicable picture of a spoon; the appearance of which prompts the audience to shout, "Spoons!" and throw plastic spoons in the threatre. I have no idea how they have so many spoons and got them inside the theatre. Also, someone in the threatre was throwing a football around ‘The Room-style’. One audience member drew further attention to Lisa's pulsing neck...thing during one scene by shouting, "Quaid...start the reactor!" (Total Recall reference)

The audience did demand silence during one incredible scene where Johnny picks up flowers. This one is not laugh out loud funny, but it's just so...

Watch the clip:



Another early notable scene shows an as-yet not introduced couple, somehow popping into Johnny and Lisa’s apartment to fool around on their couch. (Audience: Who are you? Get out of my house!”) This scene ends with the boy (Mike) making a cartoonish O-face so silly it suggests that at least one thing in this movie was being done for the sake of comedy intentionally.


Factors that unite Lisa and Johnny:
1. Financial security

2. Attention Deficit Disorder
Lisa: "Do you want me to order a pizza?"
Johnny: "Whatever, I don't care."
Lisa: "I already ordered a pizza."
Johnny: "You think about everything, ha ha ha."

Lisa: "She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?"

3. Sharing an apartment and a dog. (Denny)

4. An awful sense of humour
Mark: "I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street."
Johnny: "Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark."

Steven: When is the baby due?
Lisa: There is no baby.
Steven: What? What are you talking about?
Lisa: I told him that to make it interesting.

5. Beliefs


Factors that tear Johnny apart:
1. Lisa


I don't think I could run down everything absurd about this movie without writing for far longer. It's great because it's so amateurish...no... ludicrous; in spite of it's budget and pretensions there are so many mistakes and you can't take anything or anyone seriously. Just starting to watch it, I honestly felt worried at first when I realized that it was painful even in the first minute. But I don't regret it at all. Quite the opposite.

It's like I told Stephen with Dune. "Keep your comments in your pocket!" ... no wait... I actually said that sometimes you just gotta watch bad movies. This one must be seen to be believed, and watched in a theatre to be truly experienced.

In a galaxy far, far away.

Heard about the flight attendant who quit his job spectacularly? The Globe and Mail has provided an animated account of the event.

This animation looks like it was made with The Sims.

On a similar note; Internet reviewer Doug Walker quit his job some time ago, in a manner appropriate to our generation: (With theatrics and to a great soundtrack)





Toronto Afterdark is just around the corner, but I haven't yet figured out all of the films I want to see. It seems like a weaker lineup this year. There's also a summer threatre festival happening right now as well, so I am now enmeshed in figuring which of those to see. (Fortunately, tickets are very cheap)

I read in the paper about an improv theatre in the northeast of Toronto, but they have shows regularly so maybe that can wait for later.

The fix is in.

That was no offside Ref...

Parents and soccer officials in the Greater Toronto Area are up in arms after an incident at an under-13 game last month in which a parent allegedly threatened an assistant referee with a gun.