I don't think I need to tell you how good that is.
The feature film; The Last Lovecraft seems at times really good, and then other times kind of cheap or poorly considered. Imagine that your lead is an irritable Toby McGuire with a lazy eye. Yeah he's... a little strange to watch. He and his comic-obssessed roommate work together at the SQRLY gift company, which does something... and they have the company's squirrelly mascot drawn on their car. (Company car?)
The titular last Lovecraft and his buddy are recruited in quite short order to secure an artifact sought by the Buffy the Vampire Slayer-esque 'Starspawn' to revive his master Cthulu. He is assisted by men in visibly plastic fish suits who are being called the Deep Ones. It's not quite Lovercraftian horror... or even a big costume budget. I guess they've only got so much budget, but they should have reconsidered what they were showing, even for a comedy.
The good guys are joined by a bearded geek they used to know in high school who suggests they find a Captain Olaf who supposedly survived an encounter with the Deep Ones. So they take the lead's Prius out into the desert which leads to the best scene in the movie. Lazy eye goes into a motel to look for a vending machine where he receives a reception from the heavyset owner that bounces between angry and aggressively amorous. As lazy eye flees from the motel, the owner tells him to watch out for weirdos out in the desert. The awesome continues into the next scene as the party eventually stops their car for a rest. Predictably, they oversleep and get a nasty surprise when they awake.
Eventually, they meet up with Captain Olaf who shares with some some terrifying tales, (Olaf: "You ever been fish-raped?") and decide to make a stand out in the desert against Cthulu's minions. The climactic scenes weren't bad, save the final one which seemed both to have poor effects and be impossible. (Shooting dynamite and then not-really-quickly getting behind a rock? Ugh)
Though middling in a lot of ways, I think when this was trying to be funny it was pretty solid. There were some elements which either fell flat, or undermined the premise, and there were some animated scenes which while done well themselves, weren't really helping the movie any. The plot is kinda campy, but doesn't really offer anything up with the premise. The crew said after the film that they didn't want to target the Lovecraftian mythos and stories, but then all we're left with is some funny characters, (Especially the geek and everybody towards the second half) and a crummy adventure. It could have been better. Some parts of this could have made for a better movie if they could have continued in the same vein.
I was returning down a still somewhat busy Queen Street West after a late play at the Theatre Centre when I noticed a couple of street people sitting in out on a storefront. One of them was yelling at and punching his whimpering dog.
I didn't do anything about it, but I did notice two police officers standing just around the corner in front of a bar. I approached them and mentioned what I saw, but they advised me that they were working there. In hindsight I should have remembered that a lot of Toronto Peace Officers work as private security after hours, apparently while still in uniform. They advised me that I could instead call the police non-emergency line, (I didn't actually have a phone) and wait there for an investigating officer to arrive. I wasn't planning on hanging around so they suggested that I didn't care as much as I thought I did.
I didn't say anything to that really, so I won't add anything to my conclusion though, (of course) I've been thinking about it after.
My first experience with Summerworks was the Witch of Edmonton, This took place in Trinity park after 9PM downtown.
The crowd was about 30 people, and our gathering at the gates of the park was met by a few white faced well-wishers from the town of Edmonton, England celebrating a happy Edmonton day. We were invited on a tour around the park where we were witness to a story of betrayal and evil. Though the sounds of city were pretty loud, as we progressed into the dark and grassy park with flashlights, the cars became distant. There were still people playing around in the woods and some even stayed with the party to witness the production as it moved along. The environment was very casual. Payment was not required and one person was even filming the play as it happened.
The actors spoke with a Shakespearean tongue, but occasionally dialogue was ad-libbed between characters. The play was written back when witchery was 'real', in 1621 and it concerns an old woman shunned by villagers as a witch, a devil in the form of a dog, and a bigamist who turns to murder. We see how the machinations of men in the village are more cruel than the witch's petty vengeances and how the noble turn freely to the devil's work without any deals being made. (Though the devil certainly shows up to watch)
The play has a serious purpose, (Especially if you remember when it was written) but it was also quite funny at times, like a lot of the best plays often. Having the play out in the wide open park at night was very awesome as well. I find that a good set, whether something extensive, (Like Boxhead, The Turn of the Screw, or The Mill, or even something as free as the beauty of a city park at night) is a really big deal to me. Being able to move around the 'set' or talk with the actors really made it seem perhaps not that you were truly in Edmonton, but that these people were not just reading lines but really being the characters. (When we were first mustering up one of the townsfolk had an amusing flashlight related disputed with an 'imbecile' among the audience)
While getting groceries earlier today I noticed several pairs of red shirted explorers walking around Liberty village. Each stopped by a mat near the grocery store where some attendents ordered them to bust-a-move on the mat. Intrigued, I looked this up online just now.
Dammit. Hiking around Toronto and doing stuff is exactly what I do! Admittedly, I wouldn't have much time for Summerworks or Afterdark today, but still.
In the future, it is probably a good idea for me to write about a movie before I talk about it to someone. There's little greater way to lose the fire in the belly about unloading on a bad movie than by going for the quick satisfaction of just talking about it. Except perhaps the need to get this out of the way before I have to expound upon all the Summerworks theatre and Afterdark movies I'll be seeing over the next week. Consequently, I will now give witness to the horror that is The Room, which I saw at the Royal Theatre last month.
I went to The Room with the full intention of engrossing myself in what had been described to me as the worst movie made in recent memory. From what I had heard and seen I was expecting some kind of maudlin art movie perhaps shot in one room. It was not to be. The Room; in full colour and not consigned to any particular room, (Indeed the title apparently refers to the filming location where all scenes were shot and not anything actually seen in the move) did not seem to be even an attempt at art but instead either a hate note to the producer/director/writer/star's ex-lover, or an attempt to craft an appallingly low-brow drama loaded with cliches. It's currently marketed successfully as a black comedy, but it's actually a brilliantly unintentionally funny. Black comedy is not what I'd call it even were it on purpose. Given that this film was made years ago and is still being shown on small screen regularly, (and to a good sized audience at that) it's clear that the director has fallen back-asswards into a goldmine.
The main character is our director Tommy Wisseau, who is going by the name Johnny. I often referred to him as Tommy when describing the movie and during the climactic conclusion, so did one of his co-stars. It's an easy mistake to make since the saintly emo weeny he's playing is clearly his own airbrushed image of himself. He looks and sounds like some an eastern European drug dealer: long scraggly black hair, dark shades, dark suit, pasty skin, and a curious accent. Johnny lives in San Francisco in a ground level apartment with his fiancé Lisa. Johnny works at a bank where as he describes it, "The bank saves money and they are using me and I am the fool," and "I save them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I will ever get it. They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they trick me and I don't care anymore." This guy butchers lines of dialogue that are already terrible. He can't act physically either whether he’s trying to display despair, playfulness, rage, or thrusting. He’s fantastic.
Lisa is Johnny's FUTURE WIFE, and isn't interested in him anymore. Johnny provides Lisa FINANCIAL SECURITY. After all, the "computer business is too competitive." We know because she doesn't get any phone calls. I don't understand that at all, but we know as much about her job as we do about Johnny's so it might make sense.
She seems to do a lot of things just for fun, or because she's 'changing', or just confusing. I don't think Tommy Wisseau has a coherent reason why his ex is evil and so Lisa's character is all over the place. She'll show poor judgment by asking her mom for advice and then dismissing her as butting in, having an affair with his best friend Mark, leave a mop out for days, initiate an illicit encounter in her living room within meters of other people, and even have a love scene with Johnny. Ugh. Bad calls all around. Still, I get the feeling her being with Johnny may have been an elaborate joke to begin with. The actress seems to put on weight as the film progressed which may be because of the stress caused by working on this set.
Mark is Johnny's BEST FRIEND, and doesn't seem to have earlobes. He shaves his beard towards the end of the movie, but unfortunately this just causes him to be more treacherous. He's not just a dick to his BEST FRIEND though, as he's also terrible to Lisa. After having sex with her for the first time he asks, "How could you do this to me?" and he will eventually come to pin all of the blame for the events of The Room on Lisa. (The characters, not the actors) He shows a penchant for referring to candles and music that don't exist, (Classic case of failing to rewrite dialogue I figure) and at one point tries to throw a friend, (See below for Peter) off a roof; so maybe he's just a dangerous lunatic. In one scene that serves no purpose, he accidentally ‘hits’ an ancillary character, (Named Mike) so hard, that this character falls down, acts blinded, and I think doesn't appear in the movie again. Notably, this scene serves no end and the actor playing Mark didn’t even seem to do anything. Perhaps this was a bad take left in?
Mark: "As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth. That's a promise. "
Denny is an orphan who lives near Johnny and Lisa's ground floor apartment, in his own apartment that is paid for by Johnny, because Johnny's just that great of a guy. I'll let this quote from Tommy explain him; "I think he brought a lot stuff. One thing was he's really retarded a little bit." Asked if Denny was written that way, Wisseau says he did so "Indirectly, so he's confused." I figure Denny was living in a box prior to moving into his apartment. This is why he combines the communication skills and appearance of a young adult with the comprehension of social norms of an eight year old. He seems to come and go from the apartment with little rhyme or reason and may or may not give off the appearance of an unhealthy attachment to Johnny.
Example: Lisa and Johnny head up to their bedroom for lovin' while Denny watches them leave. Instead of contemplating why his surrogate family would react to his visit by immediately heading into another room for sex, Denny takes a bite out of an apple, (Audience member: "Ooooooohhh! Metaphor!") and then heads upstairs to pillow fight with them. (Yes, he is asked to leave; this movie isn't that nuts)
Denny has a run in with a drug dealer. Guess what? Denny doesn't have his money, the drug dealer doesn't have any patience, and after Mark and Johnny save Denny and turn the drug dealer over the police Denny makes a teary confession to Lisa and Claudetter... and nothing will ever come of this in the movie. The scene serves no purpose. Take it away, Johnny: "Denny...keep in Moind that if you have any problems, come to me and I will help you. Let's get something to eat hanh?"
Lisa's mother Claudette is the only character who truly understands the depravity of the imbeciles that surround her. She causally says that men and women are jerks and casually tells Lisa that she never loved her father. (Lisa: "What?!") I think a lot of what she tells Lisa about the unimportance of happiness and Johnny's financial value is Tommy's own bizarre argument against the emotional needs of whomever broke up with him to inspire this movie. She's also dying since she has breast cancer. Lisa tells her she'll be fine. This convinces her. This plot point never comes up again either.
Peter is a psychiatrist and leaves before the production of the film is finished. In his final scene where he, Mark, and Johnny play 'football' in their tuxedos at Denny's suggestion, (BTW their definition of football just involves tossing the ball around like a baseball and there's no reason for them to be in tuxes in this scene either) he falls on the ground and gets mad at Denny suggesting the idea. I like to the actor was too into his character and was genuinely angered.
He is replaced by our director with the named-only-in-the-credits Steven who looks like he just wandered on set by accident. Actual line of dialogue by Steven: "I totally agree with that opinion." Steven gets put into his place when Mark tells him to mind his own business and, “Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!” Words failed me… and based on that line, words failed Mark too.
This movie enjoys scoring love scenes with bad R&B music to raunch things up, (The audience claps in rhythm with the beat) even when Lisa cheats on Johnny. There are also many over-long shots of the Golden Gate bridge and the scenery of San Francisco to remind us where the movie is taking place. (But probably not filmed) These shots prompted the audience to shout, "Meanwhile… in San Francisco!" As if the shots were establishing a new setting every time.
Johnny and Lisa's apartment coffee table is decorated with an inexplicable picture of a spoon; the appearance of which prompts the audience to shout, "Spoons!" and throw plastic spoons in the threatre. I have no idea how they have so many spoons and got them inside the theatre. Also, someone in the threatre was throwing a football around ‘The Room-style’. One audience member drew further attention to Lisa's pulsing neck...thing during one scene by shouting, "Quaid...start the reactor!" (Total Recall reference)
The audience did demand silence during one incredible scene where Johnny picks up flowers. This one is not laugh out loud funny, but it's just so...
Watch the clip:
Another early notable scene shows an as-yet not introduced couple, somehow popping into Johnny and Lisa’s apartment to fool around on their couch. (Audience: Who are you? Get out of my house!”) This scene ends with the boy (Mike) making a cartoonish O-face so silly it suggests that at least one thing in this movie was being done for the sake of comedy intentionally.
Factors that unite Lisa and Johnny: 1. Financial security
2. Attention Deficit Disorder Lisa: "Do you want me to order a pizza?" Johnny: "Whatever, I don't care." Lisa: "I already ordered a pizza." Johnny: "You think about everything, ha ha ha."
Lisa: "She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?"
3. Sharing an apartment and a dog. (Denny)
4. An awful sense of humour Mark: "I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street." Johnny: "Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark."
Steven: When is the baby due? Lisa: There is no baby. Steven: What? What are you talking about? Lisa: I told him that to make it interesting.
5. Beliefs
Factors that tear Johnny apart: 1. Lisa
I don't think I could run down everything absurd about this movie without writing for far longer. It's great because it's so amateurish...no... ludicrous; in spite of it's budget and pretensions there are so many mistakes and you can't take anything or anyone seriously. Just starting to watch it, I honestly felt worried at first when I realized that it was painful even in the first minute. But I don't regret it at all. Quite the opposite.
It's like I told Stephen with Dune. "Keep your comments in your pocket!" ... no wait... I actually said that sometimes you just gotta watch bad movies. This one must be seen to be believed, and watched in a theatre to be truly experienced.
On a similar note; Internet reviewer Doug Walker quit his job some time ago, in a manner appropriate to our generation: (With theatrics and to a great soundtrack)
Toronto Afterdark is just around the corner, but I haven't yet figured out all of the films I want to see. It seems like a weaker lineup this year. There's also a summer threatre festival happening right now as well, so I am now enmeshed in figuring which of those to see. (Fortunately, tickets are very cheap)
I read in the paper about an improv theatre in the northeast of Toronto, but they have shows regularly so maybe that can wait for later.
Parents and soccer officials in the Greater Toronto Area are up in arms after an incident at an under-13 game last month in which a parent allegedly threatened an assistant referee with a gun.
