Top 20 Scares

I have trouble remembering all of the various movies I've seen over the years, but here is what I'm thinking is a good approximation of the scariest movies I've ever watched:

Honorable mentions: Halloween 3 and The Tingler.

I think both of these get a bad rap because they contain elements that are ridiculous. The titular Tingler, or robot druids. But they also contain a lot of really good frights, mystery, and creepy scenes despite what they're known for.

20. Evil Dead 2:A horror comedy, but I think the scare scenes are still really solid. Ash's descent into the basement of the cabin is pretty tense, especially since your wondering when he's going to be attacked or why an old cabin has such an enormous basement.

19. Pan's Laybrinth: I think it helps when you go into a movie and don't realize its even supposed to be a horror movie. The fantastic world seen in the visions of the young girl protagonist is pretty gruesome, but unfortunately no more so than the real world whether today's or in the fascist Spain where the movie is set.

18. The Blair Witch Project: I remember checking the time on the VCR while watching, trying to determine how much longer it would go on. This movie alternated between annoying people, and genuine fright. The woods have seldom looked so frightening, but being so far from civilization, not knowing whats watching you, and then finding that freaking house... pretty scary.

17. Night of the Living Dead: The very concept is horrifying, and this is the purest representation of it. The monsters here look less like a make up tour de force and more like drugged out messed up humans. There beating down the walls and stumbling towards you, faster than you'd like, like wide eyed animals.

16. 1408:This haunted hotel room story isn't quite scary in the last twenty minutes, but it manages to use a lot of jump scares, nightmares, creepy people, and claustrophobia to make a terrifying movie. The bit with the lamp is unforgettable for its ability to play with the audiences expectations.

16. The Sixth Sense: The end is not really scary, but the first parts of this movie are really tense. This little kid seeing all these chilling ghosts makes it seem much more dangerous.

15. Psycho: I shouldn't need to describe this to you.

14. The Mouth of Madness: Lovecraftian or Stephen King? This movie features a Sam Neil as the agent of a book publisher trying to hunt down a missing writer. They find a town that shouldn't exist filled with dozens of creepy scenes and monsters. This search is a nightmare, and finding out that truth is exactly as strange as fiction is the most terrifying thing for Sam Neil. (Though I suspect he viewer may find that not as scary as country roads frequented by people riding bikes at night, or old ladies that are secretly axe wielding demons)

13. The Fog: Like Night of the Living Dead, but with a touch of ghosts. There's the kind of fear from oncoming violence and the kind fo fear you get from unnatural forces.

12. Messiah of Evil: An eminently creepy public domain movie. A young woman searches for her missing father, while a cursed town goes to hell. Very tense and creepy. We can see that everything's closing in on the characters, but they don't know when to get the hell out of dodge.

10. The Amityville Horror: Admittedly, I'm probably as much afraid of the creepy Unsolved Mysteries episode. But this movie has a lot going for it like the way it seems to avoid resolution, that its more like just a series crazy unexplained but malevolent events that drives a family nuts, ...or the weird guy who appears at the screen door.

9. Halloween: Excellent stalking movie. A very simple concept directed and filmed very elegantly in a way that most copycats don't understand.

8. Meshes of the Afternoon: An experimental film I saw in film class. Very dreamlike and repetitive. But you never knew what was going to happen. A key could turn into a knife, gravity could fail as you run up some stairs, that mirror faced person, a corpse.



7. The Thing: The Thing manages to combine a whodunnit with jump scares, and even manages to get worse when you can see what's been hiding from you. I wouldn't have wanted to be in the first audience to see this.

6. The Shining: I don't think I need to explain this one. The hotel is creepy enough, but the ghosts whether it be the twins, or the way they start showing up the end seemingly to mock the desperate Shelly Duvall, or the bathing lady scene. Yikes.

5. Evil Dead: Sam Raimi shows how good he is at creating jumps scares with his breakthrough cult hit. Much like its sequel mentioned above, this movie showcases a shrinking cast of desperate crybabies trapped in an old cabin by violent demon possessed persons. Kind of like The Exorcist meets Night of the Living Dead and Halloween. Really well directed and violent; winces and shocks abound.

4. The Changeling: George C. Scott stays in a creepy old mansion with a dark secret. Who is this ghost? What do they want? This movie uses a lot of the old creepy noises and sounds to great effect. Some scenes are extremely creepy or startling. The Japanese movie The Ring took a bit of inspiration from this movie.

3. The Haunting: Classic old scary house. Noises, darkness are scary, but crazy voice-overs and great camera work can be the most frightening.

2. Off Season: This is the story of drunk drifter who robs vacation cabins in the off-season. Then he comes across one cabin which seems more like a getaway for Jigsaw from SAW. I got a clip, though its not of one the scary moments. This movie introduces isolation and creepy homes and takes them to an extreme. The mystery of the whole thing helps to put the audience in the position of the victim.



1. The Lady in Black: Gah! This was actually a Brit TV movie that is out of print. I had to get a copy the old fashioned way...the internet. A young man is sent to arrange the sale of home outside of the small town. Unfortunately its haunted by a black clad old woman who curses those that come into contact with her. This is the story of a hateful ghost that appears more and more frightening with every appearance. Learning the secrets don't help, and the biggest single scare manages to do the near impossible. Even knowing when it was coming didn't prevent a state of shock of nearly 30 seconds. But when you think its over...it ain't over.

Toronto Votes...and the Horror!

I voted today. Unfortunately, I wasn't on the list again because ...I guess Elections Canada divisions don't share information for some reason. It only took a minute though, but the line was 20 minutes.

Our ward elected Layton's kid, and Ford is Toronto's new mayor. I cringe, because Ottawa just banished, (in 3rd place) their own version of Ford, (Who admitted that his term was a disaster) on this same night. I don't use many services, but I do worry about there being more homeless or if Ford tries to screw with the streetcars like he said he would. I was looking forward to boring politics and an exciting city in Toronto. Instead politics will get very 'exciting'.



I've also been watching a lot of movies of late, many on television and some online.

I saw the Barbarian Brothers, eXistenZ, The Cat and the Canary, The Toxic Avenger, Dracula, Frankenstein, Deathstalker 3, Attack of the Giant Spiders... yeesh.

eXistenZ is an action/thriller movie from 1999 about virtual realities that wasn't The Matrix. The production was a Canadian one, and it does look like a television serial instead of a movie. The effects are lousy, the acting is weak, (Jude Law MIA) and there are no sympathetic or compelling characters. The concept is cool, and I like how the game designer treats her organic/virtual reality console like her child. Also, the confusing layers of reality and conspiracies helps the whole concept. Not bad, but it could have been better.

The Toxic Avenger can be bought this movie for your iPhone. It's a Cr-App. Seriously; the sound is poorly dubbed over, the sets, lighting, filming, acting is like a crummy porn movie from the eighties. This movie is outclassed by the Jason movies. By Basket-Case even! Ick. Tasteless hardly describes it. It's like they're trying for Evil Dead-like cartoon gore, but getting something more mean spirited like Hostel --and still trying for laughs.

The main character is a 'nerd' who gets mutated into a homicidal 'hero' mutilates bad people...and not even violent ones. It's funny that this movie sees a 'nerd' as someone who is very physically and mentally retarded. Despite what the official synopsis may tell you, it's clear that his own stupidity is the cause of his mutation.

Deathstalker 3: Not as interesting as the Barbarian Brothers.



Barbarian Brothers: Wow. At first this looked bearable as a poor sword and sorcery movie where two separated brothers are trained by a too-clever-by-half villain to each kill different man in a distinctive mask. The trick being, they are released to fight each other each wearing the others target mask. (If you can't get it, the annoying narrator helps you figure out how this works) Then the movie switches gears as the stars try to 'act'.

Oh wow. They are really bad. At first this is funny, but then you notice that they're just mugging for the camera and it becomes annoying. Still, the movie has such memorably bad moments as:

The heroes dropping their weapons, then asking their friends for weapons. Of course their friends top the stupidity of the titular twins by insisting while holding weapons that they have none. After failing at an attempt to buy weapons, and adventurin' a bit, the twins are told to go get the 'sacred weapons'. Magic weapons that they knew the location of the whole time. Oh... that hurts.

Another classic is their barricading a tavern door from the outside. A door that opens inwards.

The Cat and the Canary is a silent film from 1927. It's a thriller/spooky movie that was remade with sound in 1931, (A film that no one has any copies of anymore) and in the 40s. It helped pave the way for Universal to make Dracula. The version I saw on Youtube had no sound OR score at all, but was still a fun watch. The movie is about the inheritance of an old wealthy man who ordered his will sealed for twenty years. All of the inheritors are brought on the appointed night to his old (haunted?) mansion. The will specifies a sole inheritor who must stay the night in the house and subsequently prove they are sane. The movie is clearly made to be less scary for the sensitive early movie goers, but it's creepy looking. The house is home to secret passages, a monstrous escaped killer, conspiring relatives, possible ghosts, and even the doctor is kind of terrifying. It's a good movie.

This clip actually seems to have the score

On the downside, they work in the phrase in the title way too many times in the dialogue. The old man's relatives eyed his fortune like a cat eyes a canary, the psycho kills his victims as if he were a cat and they a canary, etc... You only need to name drop a title once.

The classic Bela Lugosi Dracula is quite good. The music is haunting and frantic; almost entirely strings. Very unique for a haunting soundtrack, there is no piano.

I like how Dracula is made sympathetic, (unintentionally?) while still acting like an evil bloodsucker. Seeing Dracula rise up in his huge empty crypt and his desolate run down castle makes his life look really sad. Unlike in the 90s Bram Stoker's Dracula, he doesn't look like he enjoys living out there. He looks like the living dead. His trip to London to walk amongst the night loving crowd of London seems like he just needed to get where people were. The wolf misses being around sheep. (Also kind of reminds me of Jack the Ripper a little) Lugosi talks like an alien, but sells all of the dialogue, including the memorable "Children of the night..." line. He also has good chemistry with the cast.



The others actors are almost without exception pretty great too; especially Renfield. The sets are really great too. The abbey and castle sets look enormous. The ending is a let down though. Like they just couldn't figure how to finish in an exciting way without giving the audience the vapors. (Although the Cat and the Canary managed better)

Be Kind... Rewind was supposedly a movie about Jack Black and Mos Deff making their own versions of Hollywood blockbuster to replace their video rental store's wrecked library. Those are the best parts of the movie. The rest includes the straight man in the comedy duo (Mos Deff) acting as is he was mentally deficient; Jack Black getting cartoonishly electrocuted and exhibiting magnetic powers, (Also, magnetic urine!) until the movie remembers it's supposed to be about videos at which point it drops that; bad acting and dialogue, and a lot of fake-ass sentiment about community building through movies. Awful film that doesn't seem to know what it's doing.

We ARGOing down!

So I thought I was going to an important Canadian Football game between Toronto and Hamilton for second place in CFL East Friday night, but I thought that meant both teams would show up.

30-3 was just depressing. I was sitting in a good spot but I still didn't get so see the Toronto Argo'nots do anything. I saw the opposing team do plenty of cool things, but it's hard to feel good about jumping TD catches when they provoke more chants of, "Holy mackinaw, Tigers eat 'em raw!" from the half-drunk Hamilton fans.

When I bought my last ticket for the bronze section through a concierge last time I had paid about the same as I would for these seats in the touchdown zone. Maybe it was because I brought my glasses this time, but I could see more. I couldn't estimate the movement up and down the field well, but I did know what people were doing. I had some trouble doing that from the bronze zone which was diagonal from most of the action. Also, I think I was a lot less cramped. That may have been because there were few sitting next to me, or maybe the backless benches in the touchdown zone had more room than the small chairs in the bronze area. I notice plenty of people actually standing on the concourse level above the seats, just leaning on the railing to watch the game rather than sitting. It's a good view. (Note the sixth picture) But then I've come to find standing at an event to fairly comfortable when I saw soccer games in the fanatic section.

Boing!

At half-time there was the Wendy's Kick for a Million, in which the kicker won $36,000 for his final kick going 36 yards, and a car for successfully kicking from the 30 yard line. It's neat that this contest both guarantees some money, and also is certain to have someone capable of at least a little well, due to the elimination rounds. I took note of the fact that someone dressed up as a Frosty was on side for this event. Fortunately he didn't knock out Matt Dunigan and carjack the winnings.

Never turn your back on a Milkshake though.

The Skydome makes good use of downtime during a game with contests, prizes, and tomfoolery. Stuff like dancing, having people build a Baconater in 30 seconds, or trying to get the Saskatchewan Roughriders to kiss each other. The stadium is a part of the entertainment.

Give'r!

"If this were a real accident, you'd all be dead now! ...here are your safety certificates." --Oil worker safety certification officer.

I went out to see the Canadian Indie movie FUBAR II last night playing at the Scotiabank Plaza. I never saw the 2002 original mockumentary, and I passed up the opportunity to see it at TIFF, but the positive reviews encouraged me to drop in. Also, Tuesday is cheap ticket night.
The theatre smelled a little weird but it wasn't newfangled smell-o-vision, but rather a service dog that a movie goer brought with them.

This movie isn't quite the faux documentary the last movie was, but it is still shot in the same style and characters occasionally talk to the camera as if being interviewed. I guess the director wanted to use the same look, but didn't want to give up shots that a documentary crew could not have.

Dean and Terry are two Albertan metalheads who, upon recovery from Dean's testicular cancer scare and eviction from their Calgary home, head to Fort MacMurray to get lucrative work in the oil sands. Delightful hijinx ensue. You may have read a review in the Globe and Mail.

When you combine the film style and the subject matter, it's a lot like the Trailer Park Boys. So you can probably guess that most of the movie is them screwing around a lot while real world drama creeps back into their lives. I found this movie really funny, and it surprised me a lot of time. Also, I don't think I've ever seen a movie about either Canadian rednecks or Albertans.

Fort MacMurray looks like an alien landscape. As if instead of sprawling suburbs as far as the eye can see, it's industrial buildings. The lights on the horizon look like an orange city. Dean, (Or Terry) even refers to the orange lit smoke on the horizon as the northern lights. It's not a big part of the movie, but it sure is striking when they first arrive. Also, the West Edmonton Mall looks crazy. I should mention that the acting is excellent.

~~
On a less amusing note; when I returned home I was alarmed by an incident where someone was stalking around the balconies and patios of our building nine floors above the ground. One of my neighbors was getting some people to call the police, and I saw them arrest the prowler on one of the patios below my window.

I find it weird that someone could get up here without having some way down or some place to get back to, unless they were originally up here and were locked out or something. He may also have been drunk or high. (aha pun!)